My struggle with hip impingement

My hip hurts, all the time

I always thought it was just part of life. Life is pain is a cliché for a reason. At regular intervals in my life, I saw my father reach for his joints while shouting “auw my [whatever body part was aching]”. I assumed that was normal.  

Apparently, my father had a case of bad genes. Which means I do too. And now I’ve come to learn what that means as I’ve started dancing at a higher level.

Dancing with a blocked hip

So, Femoroacetabular impingement or FAI. It means my right hip is blocked because of a misshapen bone. A lot of people have it and most don’t even notice. So why am I in pain?

Newsflash: it’s not supposed to hurt.

Because most people don’t try to push their bodies into shapes that don’t come natural to them. From my time as a baby ballerina to my present journey in Indian dance, I’ve always had an obsession with being limber. Stretching everyday, trying to push my legs into splits… Turns out, “it’s supposed to hurt” is the worst advice for someone with a high tolerance for pain. Pushing through the pain has only caused my hip to deteriorate faster.

Arthrosis: my hip is old?

I am 29, but I have the hip of a 35-year old. When my physiotherapist informed me, I thought “well, that doesn’t sound too bad”. I’ve never once looked at a 35-year old woman and went: “Damn, you must be in so much pain, old girl!” Turns out, that age difference is a big deal. Unfortunately, I can’t go back in time; the damage is done. And even though that sounds like the lyrics to a crappy country music song, it’s an annoying truth I have to live with now.

How to take care of myself 101

I’ve never been good at self-care. Sure, I read the Buzzfeed articles, bought the scented candles and face masks, and followed all the Yoga with Adriene videos. But checking off those endless lists of self-care tips for millennials isn’t going to compensate for a much needed change in attitude. My sister gave me some good advice a while back. She told me : “Anoukh, just because you can handle the pain, doesn’t mean you should seek it out.”

So that’s the plan.

© Vishal Nair and Vinay Yadav

From a photoshoot in Rajasthan, India with Maya Sapera Company